Monica Brinkman, who goes by the pen name Mmarie was married for more than twenty years when she found out her husband was having an affair.
“It was a bad thing that turned into a good thing,” Mmarie said.
If it wasn’t for her writing, she might not have been able to save her marriage. But save her marriage she did, as well as have her poetry turned into a book, Into the Tunnel of Darkness, published by Publish America on June 15, 2009.
Mmarie Deals With Infidelity
Mmarie said she had one of those marriages that people envied. The eternally happy and compatible couple appeared to have everything going for them. Neither she or her husband thought they were capable of infidelity.
“When you say never, it doesn’t help you prepare for the infidelity,” Mmarie said.
Mmarie found out about the affair when she stumbled upon some initials in her husband's cell phone address book. Never having been a nosy or suspicious wife, she knew it was women’s intuition telling her something was wrong when she did something she ordinarily would have never done; she called the number and a woman answered.
It was a heartbreaking and emotionally charged time in her marriage that led her to chronicle her feelings through poetry. She wrote over a period of 34 days, each day dealing with the emotions from confronting her husband with what she knew, to the day she realized she could forgive him.
“People don’t understand that you can forgive, but it still hurts,” Mmarie said.
Mmarie said that without the mutual love between her and her husband, and without her writing, she wouldn’t have been able to get through it.
“I probably would have run away to California to stay with my brother,” Mmarie said.
Mmarie thinks the affair happened because her husband was turning fifty and putting on some weight. She thinks he might have thought he could get away with it.
“He’s not embarrassed by it,” Mmarie said.
In fact, he’s the one who read her poetry and persuaded her to try to get it published.
Mmarie strongly believes she was able to heal by acknowledging that it happened. The acknowledgment that people are often attracted to others is something that needs to be talked about and people shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about it.
“It’s like anything else that happens,” Mmarie said, “It’s like going bankrupt.”
Mmarie Exits the Tunnel of Darkness
Part of Mmarie’s healing process was writing the book and trying to help others cope with infidelity.
“He really loved me,” Mmarie said, “There was a point when I felt secure again I was able to forgive.”
The affair happened more than two years ago and after she submitted her book and it was accepted, she thought it was time to work on other outreach opportunities.
She and a couple of her writer friends, Kerry Hall and Michael Russell started a website hoping to attract other authors and would be authors to the site to offer them advice and a forum to post their writing.
Mmarie spoke of a girl dying of cancer and she sent their website a message that said her dying wish was to have a poem published. They published her poem for her.
“We want other writers to meet and chat,” Mmarie said, “and readers too.”
Mmarie is currently working on a novel.
“It’s going to be good,” she said.
Mmarie tries to keep a positive outlook on life and tries to help people. Whether she’s writing about dealing with infidelity in her marriage, or connecting writers and readers, the world is a big place and she wants to do anything she can to help make the world a little bit of a better place.
“There are so many different types of people,” she said, “We can learn and help each other.”
For more information or to buy her book, it is available at her website.
Source
- Monica Brinkman was interviewed for this article via telephone on July 6, 2009
