Email Signs of an Affair
Analysing Email, Bank Records and your Partner's Behavior
Here's how best to examine email accounts, bank records and your partner's behavior for signs they're cheating on you.
People go to great lengths to hide their affairs, but if you know what to look for it should be difficult for your partner to keep the relationship under wraps.
Email and instant messaging is the most likely channel of communication. It feels private even though it really isn’t (almost all email is sent unencrypted and can be read by any bored system administrator along the route – something to consider next time you’re writing something personal). Most people don’t keep logs of the conversations they have on instant messaging services or chatrooms, but email generally gets kept – and as we’ll see, even deleted messages can yield results.
First of all, let’s assume that you have access to your partner’s PC or laptop. If you open his or her email program, the first thing that will likely happen is that the program will automatically download any new email from the server onto the computer. While this might yield some interesting information since you’ll see the email before your partner does, you’ll have to explain to your partner why a new stack of email is waiting for him or her when they haven’t recently been online. If you don’t want to have to invent a story about ‘accidentally’ starting their email program, disconnect the computer from your home network or phone line before you switch it on (if you use a wireless network, unplug the wireless router – you’ll disable the whole wireless network, but it’s a foolproof way to stop the computer connecting without digging through settings).
Once the email program starts, look in the inbox for recent messages, glance down the list of folders for any likely culprits (‘Affair’ is unlikely, but ‘Private’ or ‘Personal’ might be a good start – it’s also a reminder of how you’re invading your partner’s privacy). Check the ‘Deleted Items’ folder – many people forget to empty it and often it’s the deleted emails that are the most interesting. The most likely place to find results, though, is the ‘Sent’ folder – your partner may have carefully deleted all incoming emails concerning the affair, only to forget about all of their outgoing replies.
If you suspect your partner’s using a web-based email service such as Hotmail or GMail, it’s time to try another tactic.
Money
Most relationships leave a financial trail, even if it’s just a cheap dinner or a small gift. Receipts are a possible source of information and will exist even if your partner’s been careful to pay for everything with cash to avoid traces of the affair appearing on their credit card bills (which should be your next stop). If there are no receipts to be found and the credit card statements are unremarkable, try checking bank statements for large amounts of cash being withdrawn (though of course even this could have an innocent explanation – maybe your partner just prefers paying for things in cash).
Behavior
What about the ‘classic signs’ of an affair: your partner suddenly taking more care of their appearance, maybe getting a new hair cut, buying new clothes or starting to work out? All of these could be signs of an affair: they could also be signs that your partner loves you and is making an effort for you.
Late nights at the office could mean just that. Presuming your partner has said that he or she is working late alone or with just a few colleagues (as opposed to in an important board meeting) there shouldn’t be anything wrong with surprising them at the office with a tray of takeout coffee or some food, as long as it’s done with good humor.
You may find also find this article on how to search your partner's cell phone useful. Remember, you’re hoping to discover that your suspicions are wrong… aren’t you? If you’re not so sure, you might want to look at this article on dealing with your suspicions of an affair.
