Surviving an Affair and Relationship Counselling
Marriage Infidelity and Deciding Whether to Reconcile
Nov 6, 2009
Marriage infidelity and surviving an affair is not uncommon. From scandalous affairs rocking the lives of celebrities, royalty, religious leaders or within families, cheating takes a tragic toll on innocent family members.
"Adultery," states The New Encyclopædia Britannica, "seems to be as universal and, in some instances, as common as marriage."
Some researchers estimate that between 50 and 75 percent of people have at some time been unfaithful. Marriage researcher Zelda West-Meads says that although much infidelity goes undetected, "all the evidence points to affairs being on the increase."
Marriage Infidelity – Emotional Scars
The feelings aroused from discovering a cheating spouse can cause a huge impact in people's daily lives, affecting children and extended family members.
Emotions experienced can include rage, confusion, grief, guilt anxiety and intense pain. "A marital breakdown normally produces a huge eruption of emotions," explains the book How to Survive Divorce. "A person may swing from certainty to doubt, from anger to guilt or from trust to suspicion."
Marriage mates generally invest a lot into a marriage, from sharing hopes, dreams, finances, expectations of teamwork and the belief that they have a permanent confidant. When the cheating spouse betrays his or her mate, this trust dissipates.
Surviving an Affair – Reconcile or Divorce?
Whatever the decision, divorce or reconciliation is not going to be easy. A damaged marriage will take time and effort to rebuild. Sometimes it is more than simply a question of forgiveness, there may be underlying problems that need to be addressed before reconciliation can happen. A decision to divorce may be made impulsively, and regretted later on.
In surviving an affair and moving forward, the injured spouse needs to ask herself:
- Is her cheating spouse really sorry, has he apologised? Or is he only sorry that he was caught out?
- Is he blaming other people besides himself for the affair?
- Has he ended the extra marital relationship?
- Is he open to communication and the re-building of his marriage?
- Is he firmly resolved not to repeat the wrong?
These and other questions will help her (or him) determine whether or not it is worth the emotional investment and hard work involved in mending a marriage broken by infidelity.
Free Marriage Counselling for Troubled Marriages
If the couple cannot seem to sort problems out themselves, or if there is too much conflict, it may be time to call in the help of a counsellor. This may provide a neutral ground where couples can express themselves and communicate effectively.
There are several ways of going about getting free marriage counselling. Consider approaching a spiritual leader or leaders. Couples often find that bringing God into a marriage and applying religious principles can help them sort out marital difficulties.
Free marriage counselling online is another way of finding the help necessary. Be careful of scam artists, though. Some counsellors claim provide a free service but will charge exorbitant fees one way or another further down the line, such as strongly recommending certain self help books.
Books, magazines and articles written by those who have been through the pain of discovering marriage infidelity, divorce or reconciliation can give the injured party ideas or encouragement on how best to proceed.
More articles on that may Interest the reader:
Money problems can put a lot of strain on a marriage. The article What is a Debt Management Plan looks assessing debt situations, interest charges and consolidating loans.
Helping Children to Communicate is an article that encourages shy kids to communicate effectively.
Money Saving Tips from the Older Generation provides help on saving cash and living debt free.
Source:
watchtower.org, article "Is Reconciliation Possible", information retrieved 6 November, 2009.
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